Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
