If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
