Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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