All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize