her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
