hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
