she woke up with a sticky ear
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
