it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
