It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize