The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
