Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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