We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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