make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
