I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
