I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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