pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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