I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
