I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
whose parrot is this?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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