Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
