My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
