Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
