She's JV to your varsity
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
