i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
