I cannot find my penis.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
