I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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