don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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