We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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