I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
