the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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