He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
