You were right. It hurts to walk today.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize