peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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