I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
