Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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