That's when you crack a 10am beer
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
