Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
