Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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