doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
