Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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