It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
