Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I still have a little drunk in my system
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
