i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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