Your mouth is God's brothel.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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