Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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