your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
