batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
