What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
