You smell like stripper and shame
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
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