oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
