porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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