Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
