I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
