So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
