Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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