he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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