I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
zippers are such a cool invention
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize