I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
