OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
