dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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