I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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