You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
