dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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