Can i not drive my cunt home
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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