brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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