i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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