Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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