make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
