Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
