i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
