I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
