her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
