you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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