his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
