My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
