If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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