the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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