What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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