Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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