i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
