I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
