I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize